meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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