Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
