Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
