After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
