You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
