And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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