Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
