So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
