he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
