We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
