You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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