You smell like stripper and shame
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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