IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
