Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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