I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
