Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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