im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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