my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we're making bets on your personal life
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
