Don't you send me to vm
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
