I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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