I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
