i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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