he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
