Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
