If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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