Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
