You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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