Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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