just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
