4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
