I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
