she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
this just has baby written all over it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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