just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
