he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
