you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
