I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
