Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
