Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
