This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
