I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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