This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
