his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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