3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Randomize
