NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
