You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize