Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize