I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
