Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
