Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
