There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
