Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
