i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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