you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
we're so committed to being not committed
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