Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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