Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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