I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
