Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
