Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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