Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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