The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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